A jeep load of suits
shaved heads
sporty
expensive shades
slick shiney shoes
pleated pants
and me
in jeans and a t-shirt.
gifted shades my mom got
for free in a Clinique package,
ripped up 1/2 off lucky jeans
with too many holes even for my liking
a white thin over worn tee
hair wild,
disheveled
par usual
blasting Adele,
19,
walgreens bought lip gloss
50 cent iced coffee refill
form the Bucks,
all those boys raised outta me
was
annoyance.
walkin side by side
one long and lean
long pale thin arms
ending in delicate fingers
and the other
a bit shorter
a bit more full
both beautiful
bounds and leaps
ahead of where they
walked
but still second class
still walking side by side
I waited for
their hands to touch
to intertwine
we weren’t ready
they wern’t recognised
two steps back.
H8te held its ground.
I’m gonna reach out
a long way
a long far way
to grab your hand
and pull you out here
over here
all the long way
the long far away
and
I’m gonna take you
to a place
a perfect place
and we are gonna
trespass
under the metal gate
and over the barbed wire
put up to
keep our sort
out.
Interested,
curious
instead.
Put up to
keep those that have stopped
thinking above and beyond
and colouring outside the lines
maybe,
but not us.
I’m gonna drag you
to the ground
with me.
We’re gonna lay there
in the cactus field
at the corner of
Humphreys and Floral
in the middle of the city
in the dirt
in the dust
and you are gonna
hold my hand
and be glad
for it
damnit.
You gonna make your way
over to my table
for a second?
My scotch and soda
nearly drained
and we’ve not exchanged
a word,
a look,
perhaps,
a breath in unison
sigh.
You recognise
and i resist
you drag on it
and i walk away
Impotent “high fivin”
High fiver.
Comere,
sit down
slip your hand
under the table
across my lap
under my shirt
lean in
smell home
close your eyes
and finally wake up
to what you’ve been
only dreamin about
what your reality has been denied
too long
you know you mean to
you want to.
Your eyes through me
mine avoiding the connection
impenetrable to your gaze
challenging
Two of us
too big and bad
to be
vulnerable.
Shame.
Shame.
I ripped it off
with my teeth
slow slow slow
rip
it bled
usually does
and then the pus
if i don’t bandage it straight away
I did
this time
and it only bothers me
when i braid hair
because the plaster
gets caught up in
it all
all all all
But it doesn’t deter me
100% to do with my
OCD
OCD
OCD
action/reaction thingy
can’t resist the pull
enjoy watching the skin pull
away from skin
away from the whole
slowly slowly
teeth clenched
tight
it bleeds
of course
I can’t let go
but I can’t get in
He kneeled next to
me.
trying
crying
lying
full of the desire
to let it go
to let me in
I just stared at him
not with anger
not with hurt
almost with disbelief
but I so want to
believe
believe
again
in it
in something
Then he left
and now I can’t stop
crying.
To have and to hold you
Every night
I want to say goodnight to you.
You’re in my dreams
and just a touch on my shoulder
just to feel the weight
of your hand on me
is all I need
even if its only a dream
I fall into your eyes
all blue
my ocean to swim in
I’d wait for waves forever
in them
if you’d just let me
invite me in
ask me to swim
around and round
your ocean blue
is all i’d ever need
and I could watch your lips curl
and your hands
explore
all of me
forever.
The car said it all
the haircut
shaggy yet business
He drove a 911
sported aviator shades
Held his chin up
the sun hit his face
And it shone
glowed
I noticed the wedding band
the most attractive thing
About him
was he didn’t notice
Anything
but his
Son sitting next to him
as he drove off.
I’d like to run away today
to see how far
I’d get away
How far I’d have to go
to stay away
to stay that way
far
and run out
just today
just for today.
angst
is the something
the gurgling
the pestering thing
that even
the most popular boy at the dance
understands.
the homecoming king
with his smile
and perfect stature
well coiffed hair
6 foot 2 frame
fitted to perfection
in his spotless suit
can remember
eh,
can’t forget
the girl he wanted
to escort
for
ever
that said no.
and he
smiles because the cameras flash
and he’s cool
because his homies
expect him to be
and
the fall
the swagger
ing home drunken nights
haven’t even begun
because they won’t happen until his 30′s
but he stands tall
and she
she’s at home
because she couldn’t be bothered to attend
to see him
make a further fool of himself
basking in the spotlight
she saw
already understood
as useless
and twenty years from now
she will have
two kids
and her life will be
without a an extra breath
full to overflowing
and
her hair won’t always be perfect
and her stomach won’t always be flat
and her socks won’t always match
but her happiness
etched in the lines on her forehead from
too many over expressions
will mark her
satisfaction
and he
he will stand tall
and he
he will have the hottest thing
he
he will remember
eh
can’t forget
the sound of his heartbreaking
twenty years
before.
